This moment N O W

Everyday is a new chapter in my life; an opportunity for a fresh start.  I am starting to really understand what it means to “live in the now:”  it is knowing the past cannot be changed and the future is fragile and full of uncertainities.  This is common knowledge that comes with tons of cliche’ mottos, but it takes a while to actually get your head wrapped around it all.  The fleeting second in which we currently exist, and death, are the only two things which seem to be solid, concretely real.  

When your past memories repeat in your mind as they so often do, your present self begins slipping away.  But without memories, you feel like you would forget who you are, because it all makes up who you are, right?  Well, as a thought, consider this.
Events in life effect you, no doubt, but at the center of who you are I believe there is a personality you came into life with; a core-self, despite experiences.  When you were a child, though you had little memories to base your life off of, you still had strong defining characteristics; and you were perhaps more purely yourself than you are now.

Events in life may even make us or sway us to stray away from this natural self, though congruently they help us grow and expand.  We could try on a million different personas and adapt ourself to one that is the absolute opposite of our natural self, and even be that different person for our entire life.  If that were the case though, perhaps we would be on the familiar journey of trying to “find ourself.”  If you are on such a journey, try acting without restraints or inhibitions, like you did as a child, and see if you feel more of who you really are, not pretending to be anyone else.  It may just be that easy to self-actualize, and likewise, that difficult.

Memories change everytime we re-remember them, the future is inconsistent until it arrives, therefore it is not a certainty.  Now, is all we have, and all we really ever will have.
So, let go of anxiety, let go of regrets, let go of fears.  Become Free.

Everyday, every moment, is a new start; make it into exactly what you want, create your perfect reality.
And thank the Universe for the marvelous fraction of a second in which we are blessed enough to exist within.






Wild Fire

There is passion
I almost lost
Red coals dwindled
Deep inside my heart
From the sky
Came deafening roars
The angry lover
Casted thunderstorms
The trees shuttered
As the beady eyes
Begin to invade
Hail falls
The earth it mauls
He is too cold to cry
I forget the kindle
And stare up at the stars
There is passion
Deep and burning
It is in my heart
I get a match
And gasoline
I want this fire to start
I want conflagration
For how can this fire be control
A light will glimmer in my eyes
Freedom given to my daring soul.

We as a society have created a idealisted picture of what a relationship is “supposed” to look and be like, but in reality we are such complex creatures every new connection should be taken into account for it’s uniqueness.

However, most relationships are never easy, per se.  They require hardwork and dedication.  But, they can become even more difficult – in an unhealthy manner – if we find ourselves constantly needing to compromise ourselves in order to please our partners; this then moves the efforts from creating growth, and into the lines of creating emotioal catastrophy.  I’ve learned from trial and error, and now can objectively look back and see lessons from when I found myself running and escaping from a dependent, unhealthy relationship.

It started with just feeling the need to fully immerse myself within the world of our new love, because it’s what he wanted, in order to prove I truly cared.   I didn’t know there should never be “something to prove,” but rather actions in themselves speak loud enough.  I didn’t know that enlsaving my soul with submission was hazardous to my wellbeing, because especially for women, this kind of interpersonal behavior is seen as a norm.  It was my first real relationship, and for the next two years of my life, how I ate, slept, breathed revolved this man.  He would get angry when my attention was directed elsewhere, and isolation came with an increasing lonliness (though being alone was what I initially was trying to escape when going into a relationship) because of losing touch with anyone else but my partner.  These were some of the hardest times of my life, but from the dark can come light, and here I learned a very valuable lesson:
When two people are committed to being in one anothers lives, there should still be space for independence and growth.  There should be support and compassion, instead of control and posession.
Eventually, after healing, I learned what a healthy relationship is like.  And how honesty and vulnerability will get you far in a relationship, as well as openness and patience.  But, how you first truly must love yourself before finding love, because how you see yourself is how you will project yourself socially, and therefore the type of people you will attract and accept into your life.  Self-actualization is key.

I’ve learned how you shouldn’t be in a relationship because you need to be.  What I mean is, you shouldn’t rely on another person to determine whether or not you are confident or happy.  Going into a relationship you should never be needing something from that person, you should simply go in with an intruigue of getting to know them, and appreciate the joy of being able to bask in the comfort of one anothers company – passion and pleasure igniting within two souls from being together.  Ultimately, never, never, never let your light be dimmed because of another person.  Stay true to who you are, be wholesome in what you do, bold in what you believe, and congruent in what you speak.  And most importantly, love freely, care deeply, but let-go when need be.